Help me Dita

"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches."

Ain't that the damn truth.

I'm accustomed to proving people wrong. I happily take on any challenge where someone says "oh no, you couldn't possibly do THAT" But here's my deal, what happens when someone says "you could have, but you didn't" That right there is a risk not taken. And disappointment is FAR worse than anger.

I'm disappointed in myself, through and through. I'm struggling. Having now been told my notes as to why I was not hired as a tour guide dug deep, and it's something that I've been working on with every job. BITCH FACE. I do believe the universe was telling me something when I wasn't hired. Maybe it was that I need to travel this summer, or do a piece of theater, or have PROTECTED sex with all the cute men I meet. Who the hell knows. What I do know is that I need to show that I am happy more often, plain and simple. Because I AM happy. It is a rare day when I am mad or upset. Sure chances are that something bad or irritating just happened, I'm only human to let that show on my face, but this symptom that has affected me for as long as I can remember has now built a brick wall between me and one of my all time dream jobs and that is simply unacceptable. 

To those who know what I'm dealing with, because they suffer the same symptoms, there is nothing worse when someone asks you "are you okay?" YES I'M OKAY. STOP ASKING ME OR I WON'T BE OKAY AND I'M GOING TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOU. Seriously? And I get it, we partly bring it on ourselves because we look 'angry' but I can't help the fact that I have angled features! Not everyone can have the bone structure of that bitch Carey Mulligan (who was a fabulous Daisy), and I envy those that just look kind and sweet 24/7...

At the same time, when I'm walking to my car at 2 a.m after work in an allyway off of Hwood Bvard, I know that nobody is going to mess with me because I look like I could beat their ass with one nostril flair. Can Carey Mulligan say the same? Didn't think so.

It's a hard knock world, but I've got the thick skin and bitch face to take it. I'll see you in September Universal, with a God damn smile on my face just waiting for you to tell me YES.