Just breath

Well tomorrow will be the 4 week mark of mine and Ryan's break up. I hate using that word. We didn't really "break up"... We more mutually separated. There weren't any hurtful words used, we didn't get angry or throw anything. We both cried. A lot. But that's natural in a "break up." I guess... It's weird because this isn't what you see break up's being, mostly from the media. You see everyone being mad and bitter and taking sides and a really disrespectful situation... It wasn't like that at all. He came home from work, we talked, cried because it was actually happening and that was it. We reminisced a little about the good days, that made it sting a little more... I have to say I saw it coming since about the time of 'Lysistrata'... I was always gone. If I wasn't at rehearsal I was either working, at school or doing homework. He was always working so we NEVER saw each other and I think that really hurt us. This scares me for my future though... Will anyone be able to handle such a crazy schedule my future bring?

One thing I want to set straight is I'm not mad, bitter, upset or in any way hate him. At all. He was my best friend for 3 wonderful years and we just realized it wasn't going any farther than where we were. It was a clean break. I miss him at times, but I think I always will. I just have to learn to deal with it, and I am.

I was talking about it a friend and we both think I'm handling it quite well. There's no drunk phone calls or messages confessing how much I love and miss him, wanting him back. I'm not obsessing, which is good. I think the hardest part out of this whole thing is it feels like I lost a best friend, again. This happened with an old friend. I was mad at them and it felt like someone ripped a piece of my heart out. A piece I'll never get back... It feels a little like that again. But I'm not mad at him for it. It needed to happen in order for us both to be happy.

Phew. Glad I got that out.

Watched Alice and Wonderland and Legion last night. I have to say that even though Alice In Wonderland was visually stunning, the plot lacked immensely... Simply said, it was boring. I feel like Mr. Burton has focused more on spectacle that character and plot. This is so disappointing. Who remembers Edward Scissorhands huh!? Yeah... As much as that movie creeps me out, it was so good. And as for Legion, well, all I have to say is, Paul Bettany made a bad situation good. I think if they had gotten any other actor to play Michael, it would have been bad news bears... Didn't John Travolta play Michael too? Funny...

On a completely different note I need to get serious about my singing. It's what I want to do... But here's the thing. I JUST WANT TO BE GOOD! I don't want to do the work, practice or anything. I just want it to come naturally. Naive, I know... Wouldn't it be easier if that was the case with everything, though? Oh, you need someone to build a massive arch? Here let me do it, even though I have no idea what anything is. What's that you say? You need someone to play the harp at your wedding? Okay. Let me just get one for thousands of dollars and play for you tomorrow... Yeah. Silly. It's not the world we live in and NOBODY has had anything worth while come easy for them. I just get so tired of persistence sometimes...

Well, time for some pool action and a little Hitchhiker's Guide. Matthew King would be proud.

:)