Yup.

3 Days until school starts and I could not be more ready. I was not happy about it 2 weeks ago, but after seeing so many beautiful and wonderful people this past week, and the excitement of everyone coming back, I am definitely ready for my last year.

I did a bold BOLD move today. I deleted Ryan from my life. I couldn't entirely, because he lives in Chico and knows my friends and such, but I deleted his number from my phone, deleted all of our pictures from my phone and a majority from my computer, he is no longer a friend on FB and I unfollowed his ass on Twitter. I'm done. I must be honest. For the past 3 months or so, I was hoping a little on the inside that there was still a glimmer of hope for us. That we could still reunite and be friends and possibly get back together. I don't want that at all anymore. OVER IT. Moving on.

SINGLE AND READY TO MOTHER FUCKING MINGLE BITCHES! Watch out.

I came to the conclusion the other day, after the Gaga concert when me and Jess were driving home, that I usually plans something fun and then sit around and wait for it to happen. Once it happens, it's clearly over, and I move onto the next thing. This is no way I want to live my life. What happened to my spontaneity? My spunk? My drive for adventure? Well I still have that last one... But I feel like I have dulled out. I feel old. And used up. And let me tell you, I am faaaaaar from that. I'm not even 21 years old! (Mind you, 3 months I will be.) I just felt the most overwhelming sensation to take control of my life. Live day to day for myself and no other person but me. I do love me, and not in a conceited egotistical way, but in a way where I know my worth and my value and no body, I tell you NO BODY, will tell me I am any less. This revelation, love that word, came at the Gaga concert. What a complete inspiration. She knew she was good, she knew she had talent and spunk and was completely different from every one else and she loves it. She works with it. Love her...

Monologues are coming along quite well. Discovering more and more about them, and myself, the more I work them. I kept telling myself on the way home from Gaga's concert that I need to fill myself to the character. Don't dumb them down to my level, build myself up to THEIR level. Fit THEIR mold. (Bill would hate my use of pronouns right now...) That's the fun in acting is that you get to play so many different people and they are all strange and have their own personal habits and ticks and you have to discover and find them. Make them your own. Use them. Become them. A little scary, but so free-ing at the same time. I LOVE pretending :)

I'm scared for this coming semester and the load it will bring me. I have 4 Psychology classes I'm taking and trying to add Bill's audition class. 5 very intense reading classes. Good lord. Julia doesn't do well with Textbook reading, that's for DAMN sure. Not to mention I am going to try to work 2 jobs, so I can be an adult and pay all of my bills by myself, and hopefully do a show AND a one act... Sweet Mary and Joseph. I will never sleep, never eat. My life from August 23, 2010 until December 17, 2010 will be loooooong and oh so fulfilling.

I have a semester goal. To be more open to myself and the people around me. To be brave and take risks. Give myself the chance of getting hurt. I feel like I have to protect myself so much from other people that I forget to give myself to others as well...

I leave you with this wonderful quote:
"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in" by Morrie Schwartz

<3