Roses

It has been far too long my friends.

You would never think that others plans would have an effect on your well being, but they do. Having my roommate/best friend/sister wife be at her boyfriends half of the week makes me both really miss her and realize that I need some fucking friends.

Don't get me wrong, when she's back home we hang out and shit, but when she's not, I go to work, come home, go to class, come home, go to my internship, come home and that's about it. It sounds really boring BECAUSE IT IS.

Getting anyone to commit to hanging out in this town is like pulling teeth and herding cats at the same time. It is painful, and I am guilty of it. I am guilty of making plans with someone and then blowing them off, or making up some excuse as to why I can't meet them that day. Usually it's because I'm a lazy motherfucker, but sometimes I really do get called into work. Sometimes.

A lot of people in this town, and industry, come off as very 'I'll scratch yours if you scratch mine' and I have NEVER been a fan of that mind set. No one just sits at a bar, or in a booth, and just talks anymore. There is always a sense of mistrust, what are you after or what could I use you for. It's bullshit. It's like there's a contest for who can meet this many people in an hour, hand out their business cards and not give a damn what you say or how you feel. I hate it. And that's where it gets dangerous because so many people feel left out or under appreciated that the second someone sits down and shows some interest, they latch on and so starts the vicious cycle once more. That's how porns are made, you know.

I have no idea if that last sentence was true or not, but it is perfectly viable.

What also pisses me off is no one simply wants to do something for another person because it's the right thing to do. Being nice, hospitable, courteous. They do it so they can hold it over your head, especially if you beg them to. What happened to class? Holding doors open, pulling out chairs, saying please and thank you, actually fucking listening to someone when they speak to you? Everyone feels so overly powerful and deserving in this town that they forget their roots. It's greatly apparent in the restaurant business. As a host you really see the true nature of people and how they treat complete strangers who get paid to make their night better.

I find myself thinking almost everyday "Would my 5 year old self look up to me right now?" And yes, literally, she would, but FIGURATIVELY, would she? When I was 10 I though I would be on SNL by now, or in a movie, or on TV. Looking back on your goals and dreams when you were a kid is a little devastating because we all had such high expectations for ourselves. Such high hopes and dreams. When I was 5 I knew I wanted to act and dance and sing but I didn't know what that meant. I was also making 'perfumes' in the trash can with mud and flowers, so who knows what I really wanted back then. I know I've always wanted to make people smile, or make people sad, or make people think. I've always wanted to make people think. But how do you do that in a town where everyone is on their phone? Literally, I walked up to a table my BFF and her bf were sitting at, to join them for lunch, and they were both on their phones. The table next to them? 2 out of 4 people were on their phones, and the same for the rest of the restaurant. It really is unbelievable. I'm on my phone a lot, but I wouldn't be if I was talking to someone.

I guess what I'm really getting at is I want people to talk to me so I can force them to get off their phones, ultimately changing the whole world.

Welp. A little bit of a rant. But necessary on August 1st.

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