K-Stew

I would like to discuss one thing.

Kristen Stewart. K-Stew. Cheater cheater pumpkin eater, as we call her on the streets.

It seems that she is really all you see of now in the papers. All press is good press I suppose, but what I would like to discuss is this ultimate fascination with her, because that's what she is. Fascinating.

I was watching Snow White and the Huntsman and I have to say that I was expecting worse from her. All I can really credit her to is Twilight, and lesbionest, she was not the brightest vampire lover in the coffin, if you catch my drift. What I did notice in Snow White though was that when she was on screen, I couldn't really take my eyes off of her. She is not graceful, I don't find her beautiful, her speech needs SERIOUS work, but for some reason I simply could not turn away when the shot was focused on her. Why? WHY!?

I've made some points that have helped me come to terms with my anger with and for her. Read below.

• Kristen Stewart is only 22. She is my age. She is also entirely the size of my right thigh. She is small, young, and reads just that on screen. She can easily play a 15 year old without question. That is a gift, I suppose. And a curse.
• She is undoubtedly awkward. This ties in with what I said adove. She plays teen angst well, and by well I mean she just looks like she is perpetually constipated when on screen in Twilight. This shifted a bit in Snow White, but then she just constantly looked like she was going to break down into tears.
• She is vulnerable. She is the EPITOME of ingenue. Young, naive, vulnerable, finds some strength (depending on the screenwriter/playwright) and is the one all the guys fall for. Wants to be her own person, but can't seem to do it on her own. Yeah. Whatever. Grow some balls.
• She has been in this business since she was 9. She got a speaking role when she was 11. She must have the most amazing agent in the entire universe. Either that, or she's been kissing directors in cars for a very long time.
• Alright, so she is pretty. She is weirdly, unconventionally, conventionally pretty, if that makes any sense. When you think of beautiful, you think Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, Kate Winslet. When you think sexy, you think Megan Fox, Jessica Alba (Sin City, pole dancing in a cowgirl outfit), Elisha Cuthbert. When you think young and sweet, you think Salina Gomez or any other Disney bopper. What category does K-Stew fall in? Edgy? Bitchy? Doesn't seem to give a flying rat's ass what-so-ever? Yeah. I thought the same thing. And that is somewhat attractive. Knowing that she doesn't really care, yet does at the same time. She's not cute, she's not sexy and she hasn't grown into herself enough to be beautiful just yet. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE, AN ALIEN!?
• She seems to be trying to get out of the tweeny movie part of her career. With Snow White and the Huntsman, The Runaways and now On the Road, she kind of wants to make a name for herself that isn't Bella Swan. Good for her. I rue the day, though, when she signs on to play whatever lead character she can get her pale little fingers on in Fifty Shades of Grey though, and I haven't even read the series. (Yet.)
• She just happens to align herself with some of the hottest opposite sex co-stars, it's like she's a man magnet AND DOESN'T WANT TO BE ONE. I'm sorry, but if I was 'dead' and Thor came up and kissed me, I would grab the back of his neck, wrap my legs around his waist and go for a RIDE. And I will be the first to admit that I was not a fan of R-Patz in Twilight, one of the very few to find him unattractive, but as his career progresses, I am finding him more and more attractive. And she latched on quick to that hunk. Not only R-Patz, but Lautner too. Emile Hirsch, Into the Wild. Jesse Eisenberg, Adventureland. Garrett Hedlund, On the Road. Need I go on?
• She was a girl all little girls can look up to, up until her little accident with Mr. Married Director. Believe it or not, she is an idol to many people in this world because of Twilight, and what she has accomplished after being in this business for so long and for doing what she has done at such a young age. SHE IS ONLY 22. If she were a normal kid, she would have just graduated college and had to find a REAL job (like working as a host at a restaurant with a college degree in pretending). I'm not bitter.

Like her or not, I really don't see her going anywhere for a very long time. I do think she needs to get some training under her belt. She has the blessing of having done this for so long that she knows what to do in front of a camera, but when she speaks, it's through her rabbit teeth, bent at the waist, and she's all breath and stringy, greasy hair. She could most definitely learn a thing or two from Mrs. Streep, or even Tina Fey.

I just want her to make out with someone else, so that I can swoop in and snatch the part from her before she even knew her panties are wet. BINGO!

I have a meting tomorrow with a PT. And by PT I mean personal trainer. And by personal trainer, I mean someone who gets to watch my ass for an hour tomorrow.

:)