Hmmm...

Well It has been just about a month since my last post. SORRY! I just get wrapped up in things then I don't want to spend an hour writing about it and having my lap-top on my lap makes me sweat so that doesn't make it any more inviting... eh hem...

4 weeks and I have not done much. I've had some adventures with some fun people. Gone to the El Rey for some kick ass movies. Had rehearsal OH BTW I'm in two plays here in Cheeeek. One is a puppet show with a good friend of mine directing it, Cupid and Psyche and I play Psyche, and the other is The Winter's Tale and I play Cleomenes. I am so lucky to have gotten both of these parts, especially Cleomenes. I didn't audition for Winter's Tale because I had a lot on my plate at the time and I thought 'Hey, why don't you try to not do any theatre this summer, that way you can start fresh next semester' BAD IDEA. I was itchin to do something 1 week after Lebowski ended... Funny how the drug of theatre consumes our lives... Any way. Shae and I contacted Jeff, the director for Winter's tale who I had done Romeo and Juliet with last summer and the last weekend of Lebowski with, with our numbers wanting to know if he needed any technical help. If I wasn't on stage I was going to be on the side lines FO SHO, I had to be involved SOMEHOW! And a couple weeks later he contacted us with parts and of course we said yes. It's crazy how fast time flies...

It has now been just about 2 months since 'the split.' It's still weird feeling my ring finger on my right hand and having nothing be there... Interesting...

Do you ever think, randomly, about how stupid and naive you have been throughout your education, or life, and make a vow never to do it again? Had one of those today in the shower... About my education on acting and theatre and how this stupid little parrot creature on my shoulder wont shut up at times... Then I remember my high school days and although I didn't have any 'technique' I also didn't care what I was doing. I had such free will and commitment to my character, the play and whatever choice I made. I had the god damn COURAGE OF MY CONVICTIONS. Look at that, I knew Bill Johnson before I actually took his class... It's so funny how we get so wrapped up in ourselves and what we are doing that we forget to open our eyes and look around. Acknowledge and accept the gifts we are given throughout life, and on stage, and be not afraid to give back. That's my new vow, my summer resolution if you will; to not be afraid to receive and to give (... That's what she said...). Then I fantasized about being accepted into Yale School of Drama and well we all know where that goes...

As for my work out routine, it is going quite well. I have gone to the gym Monday through Friday for the past 4 weeks, last week was a little rough but I still went out and did stuff and didn't just sit on my ass. I can't say that I see any progress, but I can feel progress. My abs are becoming tighter, my arms feel stronger, as does my back. It's the little things. I'm coming more to the realization that this is me and this is my body and I may want to change it at times, but who doesn't? To their body that is... And if I am ever going to live and love and be loved and give gifts and receive gifts and all that jazz, I need to learn to accept who I am because if I don't nobody will. They will see right through my lies and deception and not want to be around me, and I don't want that.

On another positive note, our apartment is no longer in our hands. These very nice gentlemen toured it and loved it and applied and were approved, now they just need to sign the lease for it to be all legal. YYYAAAAAAYYYY!!!! Words simply can not describe how happy I am. This takes so much stress off of my back. Phew. And we went to sign our new apartments lease today (for 11 months. at the end, I'll be graduated and doing god knows what). Proud leasers at Creek View Homes, HOLLA! I'm planning on buying a gigantic lock for my room, Peter Pan style :)

Well I don't have much else to say, just that life is pretty sweet right about now. Get out there and enjoy yourself AND love who you are!

<3

Just breath

Well tomorrow will be the 4 week mark of mine and Ryan's break up. I hate using that word. We didn't really "break up"... We more mutually separated. There weren't any hurtful words used, we didn't get angry or throw anything. We both cried. A lot. But that's natural in a "break up." I guess... It's weird because this isn't what you see break up's being, mostly from the media. You see everyone being mad and bitter and taking sides and a really disrespectful situation... It wasn't like that at all. He came home from work, we talked, cried because it was actually happening and that was it. We reminisced a little about the good days, that made it sting a little more... I have to say I saw it coming since about the time of 'Lysistrata'... I was always gone. If I wasn't at rehearsal I was either working, at school or doing homework. He was always working so we NEVER saw each other and I think that really hurt us. This scares me for my future though... Will anyone be able to handle such a crazy schedule my future bring?

One thing I want to set straight is I'm not mad, bitter, upset or in any way hate him. At all. He was my best friend for 3 wonderful years and we just realized it wasn't going any farther than where we were. It was a clean break. I miss him at times, but I think I always will. I just have to learn to deal with it, and I am.

I was talking about it a friend and we both think I'm handling it quite well. There's no drunk phone calls or messages confessing how much I love and miss him, wanting him back. I'm not obsessing, which is good. I think the hardest part out of this whole thing is it feels like I lost a best friend, again. This happened with an old friend. I was mad at them and it felt like someone ripped a piece of my heart out. A piece I'll never get back... It feels a little like that again. But I'm not mad at him for it. It needed to happen in order for us both to be happy.

Phew. Glad I got that out.

Watched Alice and Wonderland and Legion last night. I have to say that even though Alice In Wonderland was visually stunning, the plot lacked immensely... Simply said, it was boring. I feel like Mr. Burton has focused more on spectacle that character and plot. This is so disappointing. Who remembers Edward Scissorhands huh!? Yeah... As much as that movie creeps me out, it was so good. And as for Legion, well, all I have to say is, Paul Bettany made a bad situation good. I think if they had gotten any other actor to play Michael, it would have been bad news bears... Didn't John Travolta play Michael too? Funny...

On a completely different note I need to get serious about my singing. It's what I want to do... But here's the thing. I JUST WANT TO BE GOOD! I don't want to do the work, practice or anything. I just want it to come naturally. Naive, I know... Wouldn't it be easier if that was the case with everything, though? Oh, you need someone to build a massive arch? Here let me do it, even though I have no idea what anything is. What's that you say? You need someone to play the harp at your wedding? Okay. Let me just get one for thousands of dollars and play for you tomorrow... Yeah. Silly. It's not the world we live in and NOBODY has had anything worth while come easy for them. I just get so tired of persistence sometimes...

Well, time for some pool action and a little Hitchhiker's Guide. Matthew King would be proud.

:)