Carrege

Wow. The day has arrived. I'm graduating college. By 11:30 tomorrow morning, March 21, 2011, I will have a Bachelor of Arts in Theatre.

WWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Why did I chose theatre, above all things?)

This is completely surreal. I don't know how to function without a set schedule. Ever since I was 4 it's been school break school break school break. For 17 years I have know what I would generally be doing all year, but now, when everyone is going back to school on August 22, 2011, I'll most likely be working, or lounging. I'm going to soak it up. I want to be free for a little bit. No commitments other than work and rehearsal. No homework or assignments or tests. Leave me be. Get those things away from me!

Of course I say this now, but where will I be in 5 years? 10? 15? Good lord I wish I knew these things. Where will anyone be? Will I still be in L.A? Will I have moved to Chicago? San Francisco? Seattle? New York? Possibly across the ocean and live in another country? WHO KNOWS! And part of me is really worried about this. What if nothing works out. What if I wont be able to pay back my loans? Or audition anywhere? Get stuck behind a desk? Gain 50 lbs.? Have a shotgun wedding and turn out to be married and have 5 kids by the time I'm 28?!

OH MY GOD I really hope none of those things happen... But a part of me, at the same time, is really excited and relieved that I have no idea what I will be doing in even 1 year from now. I'm pretty sure, if not positive, I'll be in L.A. auditioning my butt off, working and living my life as I can from day to day, and quite honestly that's all I ask for right now. If I had to name only one thing I have learned from college, among the MANY, it's that you honestly have to live from day to day. If you worry yourself with things that either you can't control or will happen no matter what you will be so extremely unhappy, and I was for a fair amount of time. It has taken some self discovering to be able to admit and accept that.

Cherish this time we have together. I am going to miss everyone so much, but I KNOW we will all see each other again and we will all work with each other again. You are all beautiful, talented, wonderful people who are worth SO MUCH. Don't let anyone else tell you what you are worth. YOU ARE ENOUGH. I can not say this enough... In our profession we are told we aren't good 100 times a week, but it's not us that aren't good enough. It's them. They are the one's that aren't good enough to work with us. Don't let anyone tell you different.

I love you all. So much. I'm crying as I type this because I don't want anyone to move away, but we must move on with our lives. Remember the good times we spent in Chico together, the laughs, the triumphs and the joys but don't forget the pain and heartache. That's what will keep us strong. Those no's, and not good enough's will keep us motivated. Stay strong, and you will go far. Because you are enough.

I love you <3